I'm still here. Not that it has been a long time since I posted... it just seems like it's been two very long days. While I have gotten quite a bit accomplished, I haven't done as much as I had hoped- mainly due to having V's mother here. I really want to go weed in the garden but she will want to help and she really isn't able to at this point- but would try anyway... So, I haven't gone. I had plans this morning to work on Justine's quilt... But we spent time discussing genealogy- although I did discover that I could leave the room to do something else, come back and she would still be talking.
We DID get the coat closet sorted and outgrown coats and gloves packed up for donation today. Of course, it took at least twice as long as it would have if I had done it myself- she kept resorting things I had already done and then I'd have to do them over again... sigh.... She also helped peel peaches yesterday for making jam- that was nice.
She had news yesterday that her car probably won't be ready until Tuesday so she is here for the weekend and Monday. V will be back on Monday afternoon. I am scheduled off on Monday from work but am 'on call' in case they get swamped since one other therapist needs to be off due to no child care. I'm almost afraid to leave V's mother here alone. I worry what 'tasks' she will try to accomplish. I know she means well, but it really isn't a help to have her put away the dishes since she doesn't know where anything belongs. But trying to convince her that it is easier to have the boys empty the dishwasher is about as effective as herding cats. And I think her hearing is going as she misunderstands many things we say and can't quite tell whether you're talking to her or someone else. She and K12 were talking (more she was questioning him about what he was doing on the computer and he tried to answer so she could understand) while I was working on sketching quilting lines on Justine's quilt. I snapped at one of the cats who kept trying to steal the pencil out of my hand and she came out of K12's room thinking I needed her for something. K was behind her just shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
Having spent this much time with her, I'm starting to really worry about her. She seems so disorganized. It took me 90 minutes to get her out of the house yesterday so we could run errands I needed to do. It makes me wonder if she should be driving herself cross country alone. She is younger than my parents but somehow seems much less sharp. And this is a woman who was a college professor.
Ok, I'll stop whining now. It's just that it has been a frustrating couple of days and I don't really have anyone to vent to. V is gone and I'm not going to complain to the boys about their grandmother driving me crazy.
Ah... family....
I would have a good talk with your husband. These kind of things tend to be worse (in my experience) than you see, since it's probably worse when she's alone. It's sad. I've had 3 in my family with nuero issues, and it's a range of symptoms over time. Better to see if she can get evaluated by a someone soon, then plans can be made, if needed...
ReplyDeleteV has tended to pass it off that she is still struggling with his Dad's death (although that has been years ago). I can see that some of the talkativeness is loneliness from living alone but the rest... I don't know. I work with people with dementia. She's not there yet but she has definitely slid.
Delete(((HUGS)), it is frustrating to see our parents or inlaws going down hill.. Russ's mom had loss of memory really bad,,, My father had passed away and she kepted asking me how my father was over and over...it was hard and knew it wasn't her fault...but it was so sad to see her this way..I wanted to scream sometimes...I would go to bed mentally exhausted...Take a deep breath and I know you know that to... Hugs to you, Lisa
ReplyDeleteI'm just glad that when our friend Mike dropped in earlier last week he brought beer. I've been rationing it!
DeleteHaving aging parents that live at a distance is so difficult. Tramp 1's parents live 8 hours away and there are 3 siblings that live within 30 minutes of them. But they would not admit the folks were having problems - they are 90 years old! It took a call from the mobile home park manager saying the folks had another kitchen fire to help them finally get it. They are now in assisted living - where we know they are safe - and they love it! My mom is 83 and thought she had Alzheimers because she was having memory issues. After all the tests, they told her she was fine. It was tough waiting for the results and now she has to realize that she has to slow down and accept the mental changes that come with age. Sure do hope that you can convince V that his mom should at least be evaluated - for her own safety and well being.
ReplyDeleteV has two sisters that live near their mother. They both kind of brush it off although V's younger sister tends to treat her Mom like a three year old.
DeleteMaybe it was a good thing that your MIL came for this visit. "Living" with a person for a few days does give you an idea of what's really going on with them. The driving across country by herself scares me. Not only could she do harm to herself but possibly to others. Yes, I think you should have a talk with V about the situation.
ReplyDeleteI so agree with Lisa above . . . the mental exhaustion you feel is horrendous! Especially for someone who lives such a busy life as you do when you NEED your time to get done what needs to be done! Hugs to you. And I'm so glad we all have friends in blogland to whom we can go to vent. I could write an hour's worth today. :o/
I had a bit of a reprieve today. She drove herself to visit with my parents and I stayed home to weed the garden and do laundry.
DeleteAh yes, the helpful mother or mother in law. Don't get me wrong I love both my Mother and my Mother In Law, but when they try to be helpful it is in a do it MY way in YOUR home kind of way. I used to think I wasn't specific enough, but then I learned that neither one cares how I want it done, they know better and will do it their way to help me out. My MIL is a bit mentally disorganized as well but she seems to manage to carry on.
ReplyDeleteOh, she seems to manage just fine in her own time but heaven forbid you need anything done quickly!
Deleteoh ,I feel for you,You also have the patience of a saint.Herd cats,very funny J.buy I also feel for your Mil cus she reminds me of myself .I don't thinking I'm losing it but I might get lost if I stared out cross country driving since I don't drive anymore( mostly because of my panic attacks,don't want to cause accident) but I'm more forgetful from stress ans trying to multitask 100 things instead of 2. Can you organize your thoughts?
ReplyDeleteI don't know how people can cope when they are the main caregiver. I would be hanging by my toes off the rafters. I am not the most patient person in the world (Universe), so it's hard to slow down to such a crawl. I can really relate, as I spend a day with my folks every week. It takes FOREVER to get anything done, let alone go anywhere. And I agree that it's probably a good thing to get to spend time with her to see how she's really doing. Unfortunately, those who are closest are usually the last to see.
ReplyDeleteIs ok mom. Soon she'll be back here bombarding me with questions. Weeee.....
ReplyDeleteI'd be a little worried too about her driving, it's so hard when our parents age and we have to see them the way they are instead of the way we have always known them to be. I hope the car thing and the rest of her visit goes well and that you are able to get your projects done, everything always comes to a screeching halt here when we have guests LOL.
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