Ok, Warning- rant ahead... If you don't want to hear it, don't read.
I'm really, really trying to be gracious. I KNOW that V's mother is trying to be helpful, that she is out of her element and isn't able to do the things she normally does, is trying to 'earn her keep' while she is here, and that I should be grateful that she is still in our lives. I KNOW all of those things.
But she is driving me crazy. I may even have a drink tonight before bed- on a Tuesday! I have been trying for the past 4 days to give her tasks to do to keep her busy. Things that would be helpful and that I felt comfortable having her do. Today she was home with V. After a few days away from home and his work, he had things to do so spent most of the day in his office working and just turned her loose on the house to do what she wanted.
Let's just say that if I hear the phrase "I did _______ for you today because I know you're so busy and can't keep up the way you should" one more time I may scream. The _______ could be filled with washed the boys bedding, swept the basement floor or folded laundry (I had to resort them as they were not even close to being sorted right- and I refolded my work clothes- I'm pretty particular about them). Am I grateful that all these tasks got done- yes- and I'm trying to be gracious. I just don't think she realizes quite how what she is saying sounds to me. To me (and I know this is my own insecurities talking) she is challenging my competence as a homemaker and parent. Am I a spotless housekeeper- not at all- I know that. My house is lived in and somewhat cluttered, and mostly still under construction- and at this time of year, I AM busy, so some things slide. And with teenagers and pets it is a continual challenge to keep up with things. But- really..... what a slap in the face.
She was even complaining about the canning jars on the kitchen counter. Too bad- it's that time of year and I've got tomato sauce on the stove.
Thanks for listening- I think I'll go have that drink now.
Go ahead and vent. I know what you mean. I have to "gently" remind a certain person from MY family who says things like that that this is MY home and MY life and if they don't have to like and that I don't tell her how to run her household.
ReplyDeleteWhen's that damned car gonn'a get fixed???!!!
The car is DONE! And she is heading out tomorrow morning. If she just did things it wouldn't be so bad. But then going over in agonizing detail how long it took her to clean my stove to her standards about made me scream.
DeleteOh Judy .... I just wanted to hug you. And sit down, let the tomato sauce bubble while the canning jars are on the counter ........ and pour you another drink. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAh... I just finished 7 pints of enchilada sauce and the quart jars are still sitting empty on the counter along with a pile of rings... And I purposely left the blender sitting in the sink. Ooo.... sacrilege to leave something dirty in the sink!!
DeleteOh, do I hear you! You are doing the right thing to vent here. She will be gone very soon and it will all be a distant memory for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks to you all for listening to me vent. V tends to defend her or tell me to "just don't let it bother you". HA!
DeleteMy mother-in-law just left after a two month visit and will be back next spring for a six month visit. I think you have it easy!
ReplyDeleteI've just learned to pick my battles and retreat to my sanctuary when necessary.
OOOOoooo... you have my sympathy! Although, if I had known that she was going to be coming for a week there are lots of things that I would have made sure were done BEFORE she arrived.
DeleteCan I have a drink with you? My MIL is about on my last nerve, and yes I do love her. There are limits, and I hear you!
ReplyDeleteHave another glass of wine sweety!
Cheryl in IN
Come on over- I hope you like red wine- that's about all I drink.... And I've even got some cheese and crackers to go with our whine!
DeleteJudy ,Judy Judy,you are starting to sound like me and well rightly so. As I am ,fed up with all the responsibilities that should not be mine but they are and no matter how much I vent ,nothing changes ,yet it scares me 1/2 to death because next year will bring big BIG changes .I hate chance ,and even if my husband survives awhile ,the future will never be the same for me.Tomorrows Thursday,didn't you say her car will be ready.....
ReplyDeleteYou, my dear, have much more on your plate than do I. Hugs to you as well. I know my challenges will soon be over and I'll have my house back again.
DeleteIf it makes you feel any better, I've gone through the same thing. My MIL (may she rest in peace) used to say all kinds of things to me that I convinced myself *I* was just taking the wrong way. I was being too sensitive. One day I was talking to L, who was her other DIL, and I said something to the effect of, "But I don't think she (meaning my MIL) has any idea how much the things she says hurt me." L looked me straight in the eye and said, "The HELL she doesn't!!" For some reason that made me feel much better and I started feeling kinda sorry for my MIL instead of letting her hurt me.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking of you when I have my glass of wine tonight. Cheers! :o]
I always thought that V's youngest sister was quite rude to their mom- until one year at the beach she had a few more glasses of wine than usual and confided in me that "You get to see her for a week once a year- I have to deal with her every day". Such things are quite telling, I think.
DeleteOh dear... Sorta reminds me of when I came home for a vacation during college. My mother took one look at me and said "You got your hair cut... it looks so much better." Gee... how did you think it looked before?
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
Yeah, I've had the hair comments from my mom as well. But at least she doesn't immediately start cleaning my kitchen when she arrives.
DeleteTime for a motel :) Seriously...
ReplyDeleteLOL! I did thinking about checking into a motel for me! One with a hot tub and sauna... and a bar!
DeleteOh dear, I'm laughing so hard because I've been there SOOO many times with "helpful" people who simply end up insulting me more than ever the more "helpful" they think they are (and sometimes are...) Glad you survived it!! Now, pass the elderberry wine and we'll toast that "this too shall pass" (and did) :) wheeee!
ReplyDeleteGlad I could make you laugh. But, yeah, "helpful" people so often aren't!
DeleteAnd thanks for reminding me to go check the elderberries tomorrow- I saw a bunch along the road that were loaded!
That's rough, my ex-MIL was very demeaning in a "didn't mean to be" kind of way, ha! My new MIL is just completely absent, not sure which is worse sometimes. I always used to tell myself that she was really in AWE of me and jealous and didn't know how to say it hahahaha! I know what you mean, those little sideways digs really get to you, I hope things get better because she is very lucky to have a DIL that has raised such a healthy, happy family and manages to find fulfillment by working outside the home too... lean on the rest of us, we know all that you do!
ReplyDelete